he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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