I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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