You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
