You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
