youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
