Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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