just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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