Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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