where am i from again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
