ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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