Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
