no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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