addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
