Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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