imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
