I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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