I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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