when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
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