I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
