i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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