i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
