But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
