Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
