you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
