did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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