I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
