No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
