My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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