So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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