Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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