Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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