i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
