if only i could text you this smell
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
