Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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