i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
