If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
