I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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