Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
