My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
