Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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