20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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