Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
