so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
