Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
