Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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