yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
