And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
