why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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