The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
