wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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