Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
