a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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