i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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