This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
