I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
