if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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