Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
