My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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