I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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