Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
