I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
