When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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