can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
home. puking in laundry basket.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
