My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
