The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
