I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
