His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
