I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
